My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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