somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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