She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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