wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
