she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
