used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
