Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
