I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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