She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
