just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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