Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
