Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
