She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
