Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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