Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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