i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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