check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
