I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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