my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
