They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize