It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
