his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
