i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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