the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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