I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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