I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
