Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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