we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is my gift to your gina
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
