I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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