i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
