I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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