i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize