I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
40s are totally the cure
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
