After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
