You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
