She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
