Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
