Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
