So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
