Michael Bay diarrhea
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
