Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
