apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
