Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
