Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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