I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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