Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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