First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
