THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drunk is a universal language darling
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
