Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
