I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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