I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
