Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
