my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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porn star boner night. come get it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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