therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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