Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
