oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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