So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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