No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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