she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
