Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
