Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
