His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
