nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
