the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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