my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
