An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
high people should be assigned attendants
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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