just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You did what with his pubic hair?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
