no one should ever give us hovercrafts
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize