I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize