i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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