i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
