so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
