How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
