Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
