she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
