he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
