HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
