you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
