Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
