I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
