i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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