I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
