I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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